Friday, June 19, 2009

It was weird. Very uncharted waters for me. I’ve always read about infertile women being hurt by friends/family keeping their pregnancies a secret from them in order to protect them. I understood why, I also understood why the infertile would sometimes be angry because the secret was kept more than the actual pregnancy.

I have very good friends who can not have their own biological children. Believe me the day I have to tell them “the good news” is going to be pure torture for me. But I’ve been told over and over again by them to please not keep it a secret or let them be the last ones to know. They aren’t sure what their reaction is going to be, they might cry, they might laugh, maybe both. But tell I will have to tell.

This week I was/am one of those situations. Where someone felt too bad to tell me that they were pregnant. I’ve never experienced such an emotion yet over my last 3 years of TTC. I immediately felt guilty because this person didn’t have the heart to tell me. She couldn’t share her wonderful excitement because she cared too much about my feelings. I felt so sad that I could make someone feel bad about telling me she was pregnant. 18 weeks (minus 4 that she didn’t know) is a long time.

But then I sat back and smiled. For the first time it felt like someone respected my infertility heartache. She understood, she got it! Yes I have plenty of friends and family that support me in my own journey. This was someone in the "real world" that got it. This was different.

I’m so excited for her and her DH. I know the long TTC journey they were on. I know the heartache she felt after every failed cycle. I know.

I can’t wait to meet the little boy!

Ps. I hate using the word infertile as a noun… like we infertiles… argh, makes us sound like we need to be quarantined. Well only if there are copious amounts of tequila and cheese nacho’s in our compound.


The Swann's said...

Oh wow... That does bring such mixed emotions. ((((HUGS)))) I'm holding out praying, wishing, hoping, and believing that your baby number two is coming!!!!! So many people, including me, will be here celebrating when you make your announcement. :-)