Monday, July 20, 2009

Old habits die hard

Tell me it’s normal that I remember exactly what time I last P-ed. That in a split second I can work out the time and how long it’s been. 2hrs, 27min and 45 seconds. It’s 11dpo. I’m thinking about testing. I didn’t test this morning, because I knew I’m just being totally pathetic at even entertaining the thought that just maybe we got lucky. Now this morning I read through posts and blogs and I WANT TO PEE ON A STICK. I was doing so well. So freaking well. My p time logs are totally normal right? Not an insanity side effect from TTC just too damn long right?

Even while typing this entry, I’ve thought about POAS 12 times. YES, 12 times!!! I know this probably sounds crazy to some, but TTC girls you know what I’m talking about. I know I have your sympathy right? What is the solution? I go POAS, I stand up and go to the loo right now…..

Yeah then for the next hour, and you know it’s going to be a full hour. I sit looking, tilting, squinting at a little strip. Imagining that I see “something” when in actual fact there is absolutely nothing to look at. You know I’m going to hold it up against plain white paper, purple coloured paper, against the fridge and of course the egg shell colour of my office walls. Just to check, to make absolutely sure.

Why put myself through this torture. Simple…. Because I can. Because it’s easier than sitting here thinking about doing it. Just do it. Ok, don’t do it. No, just do it. Get it over with. No, don’t do it. Argh…… wish me luck……

UPDATED: LOL - BFN Like I was expecting anything else. But at least I've satisfied the craving.

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Karien said...

I'm proud of you for holding out for so long! If it were me, I'd have been POASing for the past 4 days...every day...twice a day! I could never figure out what's worse: not doing it and hoping that maybe there's a chance and driving yourself nuts because you JUST DON'T KNOW, or doing it and finding out there's no hope (just to, five minutes later, think that 'maybe it was too early to test, we'll do this again tomorrow (or the next day or the next until AF arrives)'. I'd say do it!! Who knows, maybe, just maaaaaayyyybe (holding thumbs and everything else that can possibly be held) you can give us some good news.

Jodie said...

At least you are not alone... I have been doing the same thing since yesterday!

Karien said...

A-hem, is it just me or is the suspence killing anyone else?? Sooooooo, have you or haven't you??