Monday, October 12, 2009

Infertility Grief

Grief is a somewhat complicated and misunderstood emotion. Yet, grief is something that, unfortunately, we must all experience at some time or other. We will all inevitably experience loss. Whether it is a loss through death, divorce or some other loss, the stages of grieving are the same.

Grieving the loss of a dream, that child/baby you so badly want to have and hold can be heart breaking. Most couples TTC, go through this loss every month. Some only start going through the loss when they have been diagnosed as infertile....

There are 5 stages of grief:

1-Denial-"this can't be happening to me"

2-Anger-"why me?"

3-Bargaining - Begging, wishing, praying

4-Depression-overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self pity

5-Acceptance-there is a difference between resignation and acceptance

Sometimes you mix up the order of the stages. I know I had to immediately jump into acceptance when I decided to end my relationship with my DH. The bargaining was always there. I know I have been through each stage at some point during my TTC journey.

The depression I think will always be there, under lying. I had to deal with failed cycles month after month for over 3 years. I don't think it will go away totally. Then all of the sudden I was closing the door on it. Never really dealing with it, jumping straight to stage 5.

As of recent I've been dealing with it all over again. Only this time I'm having to grieve two losses at the same time, that of a relationship and of another child. Some days it's hard to define which one I'm grieving. I think it's taking quite a toll on my sanity at the moment.

I don't want to go google and give you steps on how to deal with it. Anyone with personal experience that would like to share???


Unknown said...

I don't think there is advise to give when it comes to grieving, it is such a personal thing.

All I can say is to take it one day at a time, some days will be easier than others. When it gets really bad, talk to a friend and get some help.

Wish I could tell you that it passes but I have been in the acceptance phase since Jan and my heart still aches every now and then.

Good luck hun