A full year of hard work has helped you to achieve a personally fulfilling goal. Chances are good that you're surrounded by fans and media now, but as soon as you can fit it in, start thinking about a title for the how-to book you'll feel eminently qualified to pen.

No ways…. :)

Would you believe I’ve been nagged to write a book now for quite some time now. Maybe I should attempt it??

My grandfather just published his book, and apparently there are 2 more on the way. I read Canaan North in 3 days. Wow, was I impressed. Never did it cross my mind that my grandfather would be so good at writing. I really enjoyed the book, although the “love scenes” freaked me out a bit, I mean hello this is my Grandfather’s imagination running wild here……

I’ve been really domesticated this week. Cooking dinner every night, getting my mothers dogs sorted out and happy. Doing dishes, yes me, I did freaking dishes…… I’m actually going to attempt to do housework today too. You know sweep and mop floors. **GASP** It’s a bugger being alone at home. You end up doing all these crazy things during the day just to pass the time.

The Red Witch......

Yes, she flew in at 5:52am this morning……..

At least I know the supplements I’m taking are working. They are supposed to give you a perfect cycle. 28 days, O on CD14, 14 day LP…. I got all that. But they promised me a BFP too…..

And yes I’m still keeping quiet about what supplements I’m on. Since I’m not going to share it with anyone and then they go and get a BFP. I want to be the first BFP, then I’ll share…. Selfish? No I don’t think so. I want to keep something TTC related to myself. I’m always sharing and helping where I can. So just this one thing, I want all to myself….. for now…..

McK had a much better start to her day today. No screaming or crying. Shame, I think yesterday she was just a bit emotional.

I need to seriously do some work today, since I’ve been slacking off the last two days. But I just can’t get cracking. I’ll rather walk up and down the passage, stare out the windows, maybe attempt the kitchen…. Work just doesn’t feel right today. Wonder if there are any good movies on????

Not the best start to the morning

Everything was going just fine. We were all up at 5:30am. Even McK was chirpier than the birds outside. But then at 7:15am, my child changed into a Pro Wrestler…….

It started as we were walking out the door, on our way to school. The tears started falling, the screaming started, and she clung to my neck for dear life. Then I had to try and get her in the car. Some smart maneuvering from mommy and she was in, safety buckled and everything… turn my back and she is out. Not just out of her safety belt. But out of the car!!! She ran to the garage door and grabbed the handle. Would you believe it took me, a grown 28 year old woman, a good 7 minutes to get a 4 year old’s hands loose from the door knob.

And where was daddy during this….. Sitting in the car watching………

More clinging and grabbing and screaming. Back in her safety belt. I could hear her shouting to daddy saying “I want to talk to mommy”. I dared not open the door because I knew she would bolt. Instead daddy opened the window just slightly so that I could hear.

I looked at her face, she looked at me. I started sobbing, she started sobbing. I opened the door, gave her a big hug. She sobbed some more, I sobbed some more. Promised her I would pick her up from school in 10 minutes.

I sobbed all the way back into the house, she sobbed all the way to school. Worst is, she thinks I’m picking her up in 10 minutes and that was an hour and a half ago.

No one said parenting was going to be easy………………

All by myself
Don't wanna be
All by myself
Anymore……………………

I’m all alone this week…. I don’t do “alone” very well. This house is empty, this office is empty. It’s horrible and I’ve only been “alone” for about an hour now. How am I going to make it through till Friday? Yes, DH is here but he is at work till 6pm everyday. I pick McK up at 4pm. But still this office/house is dead quiet.

My parents, brother and sister have gone diving in Mozambique. Nice island style holiday, and here I sit in front of the PC. I’m going to attempt to do some work. But will most likely spend most of the day sorting things out. Maybe do some personal filing. Maybe just lie next to the pool all day…. LOL

We had such a great weekend. Especially yesterday. We decided in the end not to go to the Sexpo. Instead, we went over to our friends for a BBQ. Which ended up back at our place, in the swimming pool. Now it might be hot already weather wise, but it certainly isn’t swimming weather yet. I guess those few beers really do make you brave. If McK joined in and shivered her way through a game of Water volley ball.

School started back up again today. The 4th term, (and final term of the year). McK did not want to go this morning, so I had to bribe her with another swim session for when she gets home. I’m just not so sure that I’ll be joining her though. I’ll sit on the side and just watch.

My child’s skin is terrible again. I don’t know what to do about her eczema. Poor thing is scratching like mad, and when I do put normal (well actually any) aqueous cream on her, it burns her. I’ve tried the medicated creams too, but nothing wants to ease the itching or the red inflamed patches. I feel so sorry for her. Anyone have any advice?????

I’m nearing the end of Cycle 31. I thought I saw some spotting early this morning. But not really much, just when I went to the loo. It’s gone now, or should I say it will be back just now when I start getting a little excited about not having it. Especially since I’m 12dpo already. Even though I know there is very little chance of a BFP, my inner TTC Diva still holds on to that hope of a miracle. I’ve contemplated testing yesterday morning, and today. But I resisted both times. Even after Peeing in a cup. I stopped every time before ripping off the wrapper and dipping the test. I quietly told myself to stop, and throw the p out….. this way I haven’t wasted 2 tests. I need a gold star!!!!

I just noticed my ticker..... it says 1 day till testing LOL

That hint of irritability you're feeling doesn't have to take over your entire day -- but it might, if you don't get rid of it. How? Exercise, darling, exercise. You'll work out your frustrations and do something special for the person who shares your life -- and the effects of your moods.

How true, except I don’t like the “exercise” part. It’s Friday, you aren’t supposed to exercise on a Friday.

Today is going to be an awesome day, I’m going to try and make it an awesome day. Not going to let anything stand in my way. Isn’t that a line from a song??

We have no real plans for the weekend. Although we are considering going to SEXPO on Sunday. I keep changing my mind about going. I also keep hearing conflicting opinions from people/friends that went yesterday. I guess we will just play it by ear.

I should be about 9dpo today. And even though I did end up testing late yesterday afternoon (BFN), but only because of peer pressure…. You know who you are… I’m really not convinced like other friends that we could actually have a BFP cycle. I mean hello, for the last 2 and a bit years, we have been timing BD to a tee. Why the one cycle where we avoid O date, would we get a BFP. Yeah I know the whole fertile window thing, and so what if we BD 2 days before and the day after O. Why on earth would that make any difference. Besides we weren’t actively TTC this month. I might even consider taking a break next cycle too. It’s been lovely not obsessing too much.

And with that said, I will report one IPS(imaginary pregnancy syndrome). For the last 3 days it feels like my uterus is stretching. I’ve never felt this before, but it’s weird. It’s like a pulling and tugging feeling, and some cramps. This is the last I talk about IPS.

It’s now time to go take that jog around the block…….

I’ve started this blog post 4 times today…. And each time I read through it, I just know I’m going to piss someone off…. So maybe it’s better left unsaid. So back space and say:

I hope the day I get my BFP, (when ever that may be) that I don’t forget my TTC struggle, that I don’t forget my friends are still struggling. That I listen when they say, “please enough with the PG talk”. That I don’t get offended. Because not so long ago, we were all in the TTC boat. Some are just luckier than others, that they got to move on up to the PG Cruise liner. And it’s ok, because I know there is a seat for me. I’m just taking my sweet ass time getting there.

Hell, the last few posts have sure been “doom and gloom” posts hey. Don’t worry my meds will kick in soon, and I’ll start talking about Candy Sugar Mountain……. :)