Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Anger is good

I didn’t know what to post today. I am really angry. But don’t want to overload everyone with the details, and it’s probably nothing that you haven’t already heard before. I also didn’t want my anger to come across as too negative. Negative for me that is. I can’t deal with negativity right now. So I’m not going to post about how angry I am. Some times it is ok to be angry, and I’ll deal with it like I always do.

More than angry, I’m sad. Sad for a lot of things, sad for myself and my other TTC challenged friends. I don’t know what I would do without you ladies. You are my rock when I need you. So thank you for always being here and listening, and offering support where you can.

I would also like to add jealousy to the mix of emotions today. That evil green eyed monster that always creeps up at the best and worst of times. I need to send him on holiday. I wonder if he would be willing to share Hotel accommodation with AF next cycle?? All expenses paid to Hawaii!!!!

I’m waiting on AF’s arrival. She is probably waiting for just the right time to make her grand entrance. Watch as I click on the submit post button…. Or at dinner tonight with the In Laws.

Monday, May 26, 2008

Just another BFN

That is what I keep telling myself. It’s just another one. Just another screw you, you aren’t pregnant AGAIN this month.

My calmness hasn’t paid off, it’s just been replaced with sadness and anger. Yes it’s that time again, to mope and feel sorry for myself…… fluck it…..

Maybe I need to take the opposite approach and say, “thank you dear body, thank you for failing me once again. I’m absolutely thrilled that I get to spend another month TTC. I just love getting my hopes up and dashed again. Nothing I love more than being disappointed and angry.”


Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Not much going on here

I have nothing to say, but I thought I might as well blog. It’s been a while since I last even opened this page. Luckily there aren’t any spider webs yet, so need for the duster.

We are heading into the 1ww. I’m ever so patient this time round. That calmness is starting to drive me nuts. LOL. I think I enjoy being the anxious maniac I usually am during the 2ww. I might start temping again from tomorrow. FF has decided to give me 4 Free VIP days. Maybe I should…… or maybe not…. I have quite enjoyed not getting up early to temp.

Oh McK has a new song, Mary had a little man, little man, little man. LOL LOL LOL The more I tell her, it’s little lamb the harder she sings little man, little man. Poor Mary, I hope her little man is at least good to her. I need to get this all on video, we missed our chance a few months back when she was singing “Pappa on the trailor man, toot toot”. (Popeye the Sailor man).

Winter is really starting to settle itself in now. It’s getting really chilly at night and early in the mornings. I’m sure glad I don’t have to take McK to school. I get to sneak into my warm office while DH drops her off. What a pleasure.

Other breaking news - McK actually slept through last night. She usually gets up at midnight and climbs into our bed (I do take her back before 1am.) But then she will most likely climb back into our bed at 4am. And usually I’m too lazy to take her back, I mean we get up at 6am any way. Now why don’t I ask DH to take her? Well he sleeps so deep in the time I have taken to wake him up, I might as well have taken McK back and fallen asleep myself. I wonder if madam will be so kind as to sleep through again tonight. I sure hope so.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Hello Ava

I thought I would take this time to introduce you to Ava. She is our new Virtual Agent on Making Babies. She has been trained to answer TTC related questions. I’ve been working on her for 3 weeks already, only because our servers went down and deleted all the work I had previous done on her. So I had to start from scratch again. Yes very frustrating.

She is still however a work in progress, so please do go easy on her if she doesn’t know the answer to your question. What is really cool is that when she doesn’t know the answer, I get alerted via email. Then I can go into her “brain” and program the answer into her. Finally the “husband” I always wanted… what I ever I say she does. LOL
I have this strange calmness over me the last two days. I can’t describe it. I’m sure DH is slipping something into my water. I just have this feeling of what ever happens, I’m going to be ok. It’s nice feeling like this for a change. I hope it lasts until June.

Monday, May 12, 2008

Under pressure

It’s that time again…. O time…. CD13…. I get so stressed out and nervous. What ever we do now will determine the outcome of this cycle. Well that is at least how it feels. So much pressure. Of course I don’t share this pressure with DH. We don’t need anyone getting stage fright now do we?

I don’t want to see another BFN, never mind AF. I want to see two pretty pink lines two weeks from today. It’s not a lot to ask for really, I mean someone is bound to get irritated with me and just give me my BFP already. Two years of nagging has got to annoy the Big Guy. Surely??? Unless he has got his ear plugs in again??

Mother’s Day came and went. I always feel so sad for my friends who are still TTC their firsts and for my dear friends that can’t have their own. My heart aches for them. The more I try to convince them(and myself) it’s just another silly Sunday. I know deep down inside, the pain and the sadness is greater than I will ever know.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

I’m attempting to write this blog with “one mother” of a headache. Took my last Clomid pill (for this cycle) today. So hopefully I’ll wake up more or less headache free tomorrow. I’m just sitting here patiently waiting for the nausea to set in. Oh the joys of taking Clomid, just wish I would get the BFP pay off now.

I have found a new addiction, which might even take over my POAS addiction. (Maybe). On line scrap booking. Yeah it’s not quite the same satisfactory feeling of peeing on something, but it keeps me busy. I just love the website and spend endless time scrapping. Will need to start taking more photos, so that I can make more interesting pages.

Talking about photos, I know I did promise some from McK’s party… hmmm, here are one or two..

McK and her Fairy Birthday Cake


McK opening her present


On a side note:

thank you

I would like to thank everyone for visiting my website Making Babies in the last few weeks. Thank you to my customers who are buying our products. I wish you all much baby dust and hope your BFP is just around the corner.

Monday, May 5, 2008

Cycle 26

Sorry I’m in no mood to think out any creative titles for this post. So we will just get straight to the point – CD6 of cycle 26 TTC. And where to from here……….

The POA for this cycle:
Clomid CD4-8
EPO until O
Normal Folic Acid and Vit B (Daily)
Throwing in some Vit C
Using Pre~Seed

And leaving the rest to the Big Man upstairs…….

We had an awesome weekend with McK’s birthday. Except for the down pour of rain and icy winds. But that did not put a damper on her party. She got spoilt rotten with pressies and 2 birthday cakes. She was in her element. Today she took cupcakes and party packs to school for her class mates. I think she loved having a birthday running for 3 days. I can only imagine tomorrow morning when she wakes up, and realizes that her bday has indeed come to an end.

I'll post some pics soon....